June 17th, 2005
i wonder how many songs have the words “life’s a journey, not a destination” in them. i know aerosmith has it in “amazing”, i know that there are more.anyway, its almost 3pm and i am still in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms. i quit my job last week, and i have become “that guy” in one week’s time.actually, for some reason, i have been dealing with a rather persistant bout of insomnia. i was having it over a week ago, then my wife christi and i went to tennessee (i.e. god’s country) to see my folks, sister, brother-in-law, and nephew. i dont know if it was being “home” in my old room or what, but for whatever reason, i slept fine.upon arriving back to louisville, christi left monday morning to go to michigan with her sisters and mom, and the insomnia returned.so what this basically means is i have been awake untill around 4 am four nights in a row, and sleep for a few hrs. get up, and never feel like i slept.
this is suddenly turning into nothing… sorry.
my still being in pajamas reminded me of when my back went out again in the fall of 2003. i had surgery in 1999, and after recovering from that, i had had relativley few problems with it other than the occasional soreness and rare days when i couldnt move well.in 2003, i was living right outside of nashville with my friends -andrew (one of my best friends), his wife haley(who was about 7 months pregnant), and their 1 yr. old son gibson. andrew and i were gigging with our band, ebeneezer , and i was working a couple of part time jobs lifeguarding and waiting tables. it was, at the time, our small part of “living the dream” i suppose.
that made me laugh just typing it. so cliche', but it was real.
anyway, one night at a show, during the last song, my back just completely locked up and a searing hot pain shot through my entire body. i had to be helped off the stage and into the car. i was 25 years old, a college graduate, and i had to go back and live with my parents.for almost three months, i was back in the room i grew up in. the same posters were on the walls. michael jordan and the chicago bulls, st. louis cardinals, kurt cobain and nirvana. it was like a 80’s/90’s time capsule.between the x-rays, m.r.i.’s, trips to physical therapy, and all of the drugs i was on, it completely threw my system out of whack. i would be up a 5 a.m. reading notes i had passed with friends in ninth grade, freaking out that i could almost “smell” the time and place when they were new.
i wore pajamas a lot then too.
upon first having to move back in with my family, i was anxious to get better and get back to nashville. there were gigs to play, recordings to do, and all of those type things. it wasn’t at all that i didnt like seeing my family. it was the exact opposite. i started college in the fall of 1996, and rarely came home except for summers. after 2000, i didn’t come home for summers anymore. so it was refreshing, if not theraputic and healing to be back “home”.slowly, as i was reading through the bible and other books i had brought with me on church history and doctrine, and talking with friends, i realized that my desires had completely changed, and i had either been ignoring them, or just didnt realize it.so the day after christmas 2003 i moved to louisville kentucky to start seminary. theology, doctrine, and church history had become a hobby over the past few years, but suddenly i had realized that there was a purpose to the few years prior of investigating, probing, reading into these things, to prepare me for the next jumping off point of my life. so i moved to louisville.
in the year and a half since then, i have changed apts. 3 times, jobs twice, gotten married, and changed my major. after years of wondering what it would be like to be a “real” musician, i was able to open for derek webb… twice, with an open invitation to do it again. i haven’t seen him since that last show. and i haven’t played with my band since last october. i have started looking for and recieving opportunities to teach/ preach, and most of my “spare” time is spent reading systematic theologies and commentaries. there have been times when i have gone up to a month without touching my guitar.
and i love my life.
when my back went out in october of 2003, i was thinking, “ill be fine, i just need to rest and ill be back. this wont change a thing.”
“life’s a journey…”