battling slow change

i stepped on the scale this morning as i have done everymonday for the past 6 weeks or so. i was surprised to see that my weight had gone up, again, for the third straight week. i started rationalizing, after all, this past week was thanksgiving (see post from 4 days ago), and i couldnt be expected to not take in as much of the food as possible since their had been lots of work and preparation.
but, after just a few moments of rationalizing, i had to confornt the truth that where i want to be, and where i am didnt change that drastically from just this past week. weeks and weeks of less and less excercsing, and more and more odd and late night eating habits have been the source of my increasing waistline.

as i step back and look, wondering how did it get to this point, the first thing i think of is the beginning of the semester when i was working out and eating healthy everyday of the week, except for the a "cheat day". i felt good, i was determined to keep it up, and i was sure i would. then of course, the first few assignments started coming in, and i started my balancing act. i was successful at first. i shifted around my priorities to make sure i still had time to work out and eat the right meals at the right times. i had just started a new job at the same time that classes started back. so i went from, no job, no school, plenty of time to excercise and prepare healthy meals, to my current scehdule, which gets me uo at 6:30 am to get to class on time and gets me home from work around 11:30 pm. there were breaks throughput the day, but i had to study,read, and do homework. little by little i started working out less. much faster, my eating habits staretd deteriorating. and now, here i am, little my belt out a little more than i used to, and quickly getting dressed after a shower so i dont have to see the reflection in the mirror.

how did this happen when i had such good intentions?

i have often thought that our, or at least my, spiritual level of "fitness" are linked in many ways.
both our souls and our bodies need nutrition, excercise, rest, and maintenance in order to function properly. once any of these start to go, inevitably they all go. then we are left a few months later with memories of our good intentions but the reality of our actions.
what are the culprits? again the comparisons continue. the first one is laziness. if i dont excercise, then i dont get stronger, and i dont burn off calories. this results in lack of muscle and weight gain. the same holds true spiritually. if i am lazy and dont spend time in the word or in prayer, then my strength (spiritually) begins to wane. the same can be said for lack of nutrition.
the big issue, no matter what the name, is sin. physically, eating what i know im not supposed to eat, or eating too much of anything, is in direct rebellion to what i know i need to do, and what i dont need to do. i am aware when i eat "x amount of something that i am overeating, or eating something i shouldnt eat at all, yet it is my choice, and therefore, the consequences are mine as well.

The same is true spiritually. when i sin, knowingly commit an action, attitude or a thought that is contrary to god's will or commands, then i reap the consequences of that as well. then one day i wake up and evaluate my spiritual condition, and the picture i have in my mind of what i should look like is nothing like the reality staring back at me.

the thing about it is, it is a process. while i was working out and eating right regularly, i would allow myself one cheat day a week. on that day, i could eat whatever i wanted (within reason). i fi wanted pizza, go for it. hamburger and fries.. go ahead. but then that next day, i was back on the wagon. the reason why this was ok (and yes, i did research and it is suggested by many doctors and professionals to do this to keep the body from thinking it is "starving" and stroing every calorie and fat gram) was because it was one day out of seven. one day of less than stellar eating would'nt wreck the efforts of the other six, and remember, i cheated "within reason".

it works the same way with sin, although the analogy breaks down at this point, because we know we aren't allowed a "cheat day". scripture is full of commands to constant obedience and holiness. but still, sin sneaks in, and we fail in one area. we know that failure that one time won't be the end of us, so we pick ourselves back up and go along. the thing is though, those sins are never excusable, and they add up. so when th etime comes when we take inventory of ourselves (which is never as often as it should be) we act surprised.

we must be on guard to watch over our souls, minds, and hearts, the way we meticulously count calories and carbs. praise god that as believers we are covered by his grace, but that is no excuse to continue in sin. as paul said:

" What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? "
(romans 6: 1-2)

let us keep careful watch on the sin in our lives, lest we look in the mirror one day and not recognize the reflection. sin transforms, but praise god, so does grace.

-stephen

thanksgiving for grace

eph. 1:3-6

3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5he predestined us[b] for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

i was hoping to avoid the obligatory "thanksgiving" journal entry, if for no other reason than it seems too obviously cliche'. but, i find myself at my parents house for thanksgiving, and quite thankful to be here.
i purposfully chose this verse because it is so easily out of my mind when i should be dwelling on it daily. it is truth that christ has blessd us, has blessed us with "every" spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. so often we look for fulfillment or validation in so many places, something to prove to us or others that we have merit before god. paul tells us that not only are we blessed, but the blessings have been prepared before the foundations of the world. they aren't a recent idea or decision. before we were ever born, or had ever done anything good or bad, god chose us without any forseen merit in us for adoption in christ (salvation). it was *his* will, not our right.
that is grace.
our praise to him should be completely and totally void of any thought of our having anything to do with our standing before god. the reason we are his, is because he chose us. praise god, for if left to our own sinfulness and rebellion, we would never choose him. (read rom. 3... for just one of many times scripture teaches this truth)
on a grander scale, our blessings serve a larger purpose than or own mere pleasure. our adoption and blessing has a purpose... to serve as a springboard for praise of "his glorious grace".
on this thanksgiving, i want to be mindfulof how much i have been blessed, and to recognize god's grace-but not to stop there, with simple recognition. but to move from recognition to praise of our Gracious Father.

a prayer for every day

col. 1:9-12

9 we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you
with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.
10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may
please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the
knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious
might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving
thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the
saints in the kingdom of light.

what an amazing prayer. as i read through this today, i couldnt help but envy the people of the church in colossae. i know that people pray for me. my wife, parents, and other family. i have had in my life a few people not related to me, and not necessairily *close* friends say to me that they pray for me regularly. those times have been so refreshing. i know that i do not pray as often as i should, and i most certainly do not pray enough for "the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding" how do i go through one day without praying for that?

i need that more than i need just about anything else. how many problems would be solved if i had the answer to this prayer! no more doubting, or even wondering " am i in god's will? what about this decision??"and the means to that knowledge?? and aside from just being a "problem solver", the sheer weight of having a better understanding of god should make my knees buckle.
all spiritual wisdom and understanding. what a gift. to have the wisdom and spiritual knowledge that leads to a better understanding of god. what could be an answered prayer of more value??

grace and peace,
-stephen

screaming at the blind

as i walked out of class yesterday, i saw travis standing in the hallway talking on his cell phone. i knew that every tuesday and thursday, he waited there for my friend randy, and they would walk to chapel together. this particular day, randy wasnt in my 9 am class, so when i walked out, i realized that travis could be standing there for awhile, not knowing that randy wasn't coming.
i waited patiently next to travis as he finished his phone conversation. i think he sensed there was someone there waiting on him. i had met travis a few times before, through randy, but i wasnt sure if he would remember me. as he hung up, he turned towards me, and i introduced myself again. "yeah, i remember you." was his reply. i told him that randy wasnt in class, but i would walk to chapel with him if he would like. "sure," he said, "just let me grab your arm."
so he took my arm and we headed on our way across campus.
did i mention that travis is blind?
far from being helpless, and adamant not to be pitied, travis is much more self -sufficient than you would think. after all, he is working on his masters degree, and plans to pursue a phd. after that. he played (very successfully , i might add) high school football as a lineman. he isnt quite what you would call "helpless".
but still, he can't see. so every tuesday and thursday, travis takes randy's arm as he guides him up and down stairs, around corners, through hallways and doorways, outside, across the street and through other obstacles. today, i got to be travis' eyes.
i enjoyed having conversation with travis as we walked. having never guided a blind person before, i was very alert to potential obstacles and hazards, being careful to point out steps, curbs, doorways etc. at the same time, i didnt want to be insulting. after all, this man has made it this far in his lifewithout sight, and i didnt want to treat him as if he were helpless.
we made it all the way to the chapel without incident enjoying good conversation. but once we reached the chapel, the crowded sidewalks and doorways started making me nervous. travis had his cane, so obviously people could see that we weren't strolling arm in arm because we shared a special bond, but it didnt seem like anyone bothered to get out of the way. everyone trapped in their own little world, with their own thoughts and concerns. i dont doubt or question anyones hearts, and im sure if someone had pointed out "hey, you are in the way and the guy who is blind cant get around you" they would have apologized profusely and obliged. but at that moment, i was frustrated at the lack of sensitivity.
as we waded through the crowd, we approached the rather narrow door way, that included a significant step up. i informed travis that we were at the door with a step up, and waited for him to feel the step with his cane and walk in.

he just stood still. at this point, i felt anxious because i thought he had been insulted that i would inform him of something he probably alreayd knew. after all, he had been coming to chapel for a couple of years and no one had changed anything about the structure of the building.

as i stood there, for what seemed like 3 solid minutes, wondering whether or not to repeat myself, or if he knew what he was doing and it just was taking a minute, he simply said " you go through first, and ill grab your shoulder and follow you in."

it was as simple as that. we made it in, sat down, chatted some more before the service started, and after it was over, we made our way back across campus and i walked him almost all the way back to his next class.

"i can make it from here." he said, as we came down the final set of steps to the hallway where his classroom was." i told him to have a good day, he thanked me and wished me a good day as well, and i walked upstairs to my class.

for the rest of the day i couldnt help but think of his comment "you go through first, and ill follow you". it stuck with me, and still is, and at first i wasnt sure why.

first of all, i want to point out that in no way am i making light of travis' condition, nor am i drawing a parallel between his physical blindness or any spiritual condition of his.

but what did come to mind was this. we live in a fallen world, and in a culture that is decaying faster by the day. we as christians talk frequently about the need for a "christian worldview", and how much our country, and our world, need to follow jesus.
but how effective is it when we sit back, and wait for the world to do something we dont like? we get on our soap boxes and pontificate about how sinful the world is and how they need to follow the truth in god's word. we want celebrities with money to burn and no accountability to act as upstanding christian citizens, and we want our lawmakers and politicians to consult scripture on every issue regardless of their political party or affiliations.

"one nation under god" says our pledge, and "in god we trust" says our money. we fret and wring our hands over the possibility that these two things might come to an end, and we hold rallies in our churches crying out about our rights and hold protests and sign petitions and write letters to the editor.

we are screaming to our world "the door is right there!!! just walk through it!!!" and we forget that the world is blind! and instead of aiding them, by showing them they way through the door, we just criticize their lack of sight.

1 corinthians 2:14 says

"The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God,
for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because
they are spiritually discerned".

in ephesians 4:18 paul wrote

"They [the non-believer] are darkened in their understanding, alienated
from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their
hardness of heart."

why on earth do we scream so loud at non-believers to act like christians?
they are spiritually blind!

just as my telling travis at the top of my lungs to step up and walk through doesnt help him see any better, so it is with the world. shouting directions at them does no good. they need to follow us through the door.we are so caught up in our lives and what we see wrong everyday, just like those seminary students outside of chapel, they couldnt see that they were *in the way* of those who are blind. instead of showing concern, and helping show them the way, we stay in our own minds with our own problems, wondering why people dont just go through the door!

the scrutinizing should start with ourselves. are we living in all ways according to what scripture mandates? what about pride? deep down, is there an inkling that because we are believers, then we are somehow better than those who aren't? oh, we may never say that out loud, but what do our actions show in how we speak to, and about people and issues in our lost world? is our overarching message " you should be more like *me*!!!" or is it "follow me through the door.... that leads to christ!"

instead of sitting back and complaining, and allowing the world to see us as those who... sit back and complain, why dont we pray for those we work with those we voted for, and those we didnt? why dont we show them the love of christ, instead of the wrath and boycott of a christian institution?

am i saying that we never speak out on issues that are destroying our families, our culture and our world? by no means! but how we speak out, and what we say when we do is vital. we should not shy away from the message of christ. more than we seek to influence people to vote for a certain political party, we should seek to influence people with the gospel.

in our churches, are we equipping our members to go out into society armed with the truth of god's word and the gospel, ready to have an answer for anyone who asks about the hope that they have? are we equipping people to live for christ as doctors, lawyers, school teachers (private *and* public {1} see below), politicians, bankers, policeman, buisness owners, etc. ? or are we sending messages that say "withdraw from this evil world, for we know the truth, and we must not be tainted by those who do not!

"the gospel is "GO AND TELL!!!" not, "sit back and complain about how they don't know!!" if we want to make a difference in our world, then we are going to have to get *in* it, just like our savior did. he came to seek and save the lost. not to wait for them to come knocking on the front door of the church after they have decided they want to be like those who always seem mad for no good reason.

when our world looks at us, do they think "they dont agree with me, but i know that they are concerned about me." most likely, all they see is our backs, and our cries of "you are wrong and not like me!!" and our anger.

should we speak out about abortion, gross sexual immorality, blatant disregard for human life? yes, yes, a thousand times yes!! but we should have a reason that is known by all for speaking out! it is not because we want *our way*. it is because there is one trueand holy god who sent his son to die to reconcile lost and dying man to him. and that gift is attainable if you repent of your sins and believe in christ jesus! and that same holy god has called us to a holy life, a life of obedience. and it is because of *THIS* that we speak out against these things!

*THAT* is the message the world needs to hear from the church. not one of "do things our way", but one that shares with them the hope of salvation and eternal life with the one true and holy god.

will everyone repent and believe? no. we know that from scripture. but knowing that god calls to himself those who will believe is no reason to excuse ourselves as his instruments of bringing the good news to them. the fact that the world for the most part will turn a deaf ear to the gospel is no reason for the world to not know *why* we hold the views we do.

this earth is passing away. if the lord tarries another thousand years, if history tells us anything, america will be a distant memory. so what are we fighting for? are we fighting to *christianize* a non christian (because it isnt, people) nation, or are we fighting to share the gospel with all who will listen, to make them citizens of a kingdom that will never fail?

may god give us wisdom and mercy,

-stephen

{1} perhaps a post on this at another time. suffice it to say for now, that while i do not think that it is wrong to have children enrolled in private schools, i shudder at the thought of public schools without christian teachers and students to share the love of christ with non-believing students, whether it be in content of material, or in relationships. if children are educated properly in the matters of faith in the home and at church, it would be a waste to deprive our public schools of such a valuable resource to make a difference in our communities. it seems to do little good, again, to withdraw and leave the lost to their own devices.

intermission...

sorry it has been awhile since the last post. honestly, i didnt think anyone would notice. i have been a bit surprised at the messages and emails i have gotten about not having updated. thanks for reading. ive been encouraged by your comments and emails.
i had my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks ago, and been playing catch up ever since. i hope to get back around these parts within the week. thanks for stopping by. take care.

(go cards!!)

-stephen

no tolerance for no tolerance in baseball

major league baseball team suspends chapel leader

click this link for the story... http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2167486

a christian chaplain was suspended by the team for saying that jews who do not believe in jesus christ will go to hell. more specifically, he was asked if that was his view, and he said "yes".
and he was suspended. a christian chaplain. for beliving that christ is the only way to heaven.

a christian chaplain.. hired by the team..... was suspended.... for teaching christian beliefs.

un-be-lievable.

can you imagine?? a christian minister being so bold as to assert that christ is the only way to salvation???

*gasp*

this makes me want to light myself on fire, and run through the streets screaming "please tolerate the fact that i want to run into your house and burn it to the ground.. it is what i believe.. and you must be tolerant of my beliefs.

where are those matches???

-stephen

eye contact

Luke 22: 60-62
60But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about." And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. 61And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times." 62And he went out and wept bitterly.

i can’t possibly imagine what peter must have felt like at this moment. hours earlier he had been so bold as to tell the lord that he would never leave him. yet here he was, and not only did he scatter with the rest, but he deliberately said three times that he did not even know jesus.

what would be the worst part? doing what he swore he would never do? or was it the fact that not only did he do it, but jesus was actually close enough to see and hear him do it.

i can’t fathom it.

yet i do it everyday. god’s word tells me that i am weak and sinful. apart from god’s grace i can do no good. it tells me over and over again to remain in him, and to pursue godliness. yet i leave the scriptures unopened far too often, and many times, even after reading it, i walk away unchanged. what will it take for me to weep bitterly over my sin, to be so ashamed and embarrassed that i am completely humiliated and broken? the lord sees and knows my every action, why do i pretend that they go unnoticed? dare i love sin so much it is worth denying my savior, even when he looks at me squarely through his word?
week after week i stand in a pew and sings songs of my love for jesus, my gratitude to the father, and my need of the holy spirit. i teach sunday school with urgency that my hearers understand the truths of god's word. i write on this bl0g in hopes that through my own reasoning and thinking through matters of life and faith, i may come to a clearer and more definite place of resolve in the pursuit of holiness.
its as if i keep telling the lord, "look at all of these things i am doing! i do love you, i do love your word, i do understand my need for you!"
then i look at my other actions. how selfish i can be towards my wife. my laziness, my lack of grace extended to others. my actions show that i value a mere 30 min of sleep more than time with the lord. rather than seek out opportunities to share the gospel, i reason that my being in seminary leaves me with little time for "such matters".
though scripture speaks of my need for nourishment, daily fellowship and intimacy with the lord, i am saying to him, "i can make it own my own strength".
what will it take for me to hate my sin? why do i keep it within reach? jesus said in john 14:15 "if you love me, then do what i say." how then, can i read his word, read his commands, and then live as if i never knew them?
i have never been one to wish pain or punishment on myself, but i need the bitterness that comes from the lord locking eyes with me in the midst of my sin. when will i fully realize that every time i disobey or deny him by my thoughts or actions, that i am in essence denying him to his face?
how can we live our lives waving our christian banner of church invlovement, bible studies, the volume of our personal libraries, our seminary degrees, or any other trophies that wave in god's face, or the faces of our spheres of influence- only to have so much disobedience in our life.
pride, jealousy, dishonesty(i.e. lying), vanity, gossip (slander), laziness, lust.... the list goes on and on.
we tolerate and excuse so much. yet each time we sin we are saying to jesus "i dont love you more than i love (whatever it is we get from a particular sin)"
so next time you are in church, and the words on the page or the screen prompt an expression of love, before we are so bold to sing those out loud, let us first reflect on our past few days, and see if we can honestly sing of our love for him, or if our actions speak to our love of sin.

oh lord, you continue to love us despite our adultress action towards you. please look us in the eye, and teach us to hate our sin, and by our actions and in our hearts, love you more than any fleeting effects of sin.

grace and peace,
-stephen



-

in sheeps clothing...

i am growing increasingly concerned about the lack of discernment on the part of christian retailers and book stores, and in some cases churches, ministers, and bible study leaders.
i often find myself shocked, and sometimes angry as i walk through bookstores, or browse through catalouges of "christian" corporations as they boldly display the latest best selling authors, whose materials are at best unhelpful, and at worse destructive.

we can no longer grab any book off of the shelf and assume that its contents will never speak contrary to the scripture. this is a dangerous tragedy, and one that must be addressed.

i hope to explore this issue in some depth in the coming days and weeks, but for now i encourage you to read the reviews at these two links. they are pretty short, but address real concerns about books from two of todays "best selling" authors. click on these links...

http://www.ccwonline.org/osteen1.html

http://www.ccwonline.org/wild.html

sola scriptura,
-stephen

one more thing...

i posted late last night about an old hymn by george matheson. i have gone back this morning and added a couple of things, so be sure and go and read back through it if you happened to have read it last night.

also, i wanted to leave this link, which has more information about this hymn. it isnt long at all, but very interesting.
once you go to the link, there is a demo of the song if you look to the right and click " demo Mp3" under "downloads". it is only the first verse or so, but will give you the idea. the music is not the original, but the words are the same.

click here for that page.

if you enjoyed this hymn, the folks at indelible grace have 3 c.d.'s of old hymns put to new-er (read: acoustic music- not cheesey praise and worship) music. they are all incredible and i highly recommend every single one of them. the three albums are:
1) indelible grace
2) pilgrim days
3) for all the saints

click here for more info on indelible grace c.d.'s

have a wonderful day,
-stephen

blindness that sees

i have had this hymn in my head all day long, and i think you should too.
i hope that you wont just skip over this post, simply because it is a cut and pasted song. take a good 5 minutes to read through it slowly, and allow it to speak to your heart.
i have left some more thoughts at the bottom after the song.

O Love that Will Not Let Me Go
Words: George Matheson.
1. O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
2. O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

one of the many things, that makes this song so amazing and penetrating is the fact that its author, george mathison was born with poor vision, and eventually went almost totally blind.
of this song he wrote:

My hymn was com­posed in the manse of In­ne­lan [Ar­gyle­shire, Scot­land] on the ev­en­ing of the 6th of June, 1882, when I was 40 years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s mar­ri­age, and the rest of the fam­i­ly were stay­ing over­night in Glas­gow. Some­thing hap­pened to me, which was known only to my­self, and which caused me the most se­vere men­tal suf­fer­ing. The hymn was the fruit of that suf­fer­ing.

he went on to say that it only took five minutes to write the hymn, and that after that five minutes, he neither edited it or retouched it in any way.
born with what most would consider a good excuse to coast through life with everyone doing everything for him, he pressed on, harder than most with sight. even though he could not see,he learned, among other things, latin and hebrew. he did not allow himself to throw away the joy of pursuing intimacy with the lord.
i dare say, most of us could never come close to expressing our need for our god as beautifully and boldly as george matheson did in this song. he may have been blind, but he obviously saw his need for the lord much more clearly than those of us blinded by our sight and self-emancipation.
what are things in our life that we embrace with self-pity and give ourselves "excuse" for our lack of communion with the lord? too busy? bible too hard to read? prayer too boring?
how dare we be so arrogant to live as though we can function on our own without the constant nourishment and fellowship that we need. to be too busy, or offer anyother excuse is to stare at god and tell him "you sir, are not necessary for me to live my life, much less for me to be fulfilled!"
dare we admit to ourselves that we have been that bold, and that conceited, and that sinful?
praise be to our father and jesus christ his son, that despite our rebellion and self-centeredness that he never lets us, his children, go.

i pray that each day we awake with a fresh understanding of giving back to him, the life we owe, that we would yield the flickering torch of our lives to him, and lay in the dust any glory but that of our lord's.

blessings,
-stephen